The Scorpion King

I remember being excited for this movie after I saw the initial trailer, and then when I actually saw it I was disappointed – once again – by a movie that was obviously aimed at something very different than what I wanted it to be. The character of the Scorpion King was introduced in The Mummy Returns as the final end boss of the movie, and was the first movie role for the now ubiquitous Dwayne Johnson, who back then was always just called “The Rock”, as his major fanbase was from pro wrestling. Producers liked his turn as the character so much that they immediately greenlit a film all about him, which would then become Johnson’s first leading role.

The historical “King Scorpion” is a figure about which we do not know very much. He lived sometime between 3000 BCE and 3200 BCE and he may – or may not – have been the initial unifier and founder of the Egyptian First Dynasty. This actually makes him a great focus for a quasi-historical adventure, because there is nothing in the record that can prove you wrong, pretty much no matter what you decide to say about him or what he did.

In the movie, however, we immediately abandon all historical pretense by making the titular character a guy named “Mathyus” who is supposed to be an Akkadian. Now, Akkad was a real place, but as an empire it flourished about a thousand years before the time of the Scorpion King, and “Mathyus” is just a variant of “Matthew”, which is a Hebrew name, and not Akkadian at all. We also quickly notice that no effort is being made to give this any kind of fantasy feel. Everyone speaks in their bland SoCal accents and the script’s dialogue is extremely modern-sounding, with lots of words and turns of phrase that are extremely contemporary, and thus spoil any chance of us taking this world seriously.

The look of the movie is actually pretty good, as they obviously spent some money on it. ($60 million in 2002, about $90 million in today’s money.) The sets are lavish, the cinematography is solid, and the costumes in particular look fucking awesome. I like that while the ladies in the film, especially Kelly Hu, are decked out in sexy outfits worthy of Frazetta, there is also an awareness that the ladies in the audience are here to see Johnson get his shirt off, and so he does that frequently.

The CG effects look. . . well, they look bad, but it was 2002, so you can’t really blame them for that. Everybody’s CG looked bad back then. What is disappointing is the fight choreography, which is not terrible, but just kind of adequate, without any memorable moments where you stop and go “whoa”. Good lighting does a lot to make the film look more dramatic, with a lot of flame-lit oranges to give the scenes a primal look. Director Chuck Russel does a competent job, though I am thinking this maybe caused a slowdown in his career, as he wouldn’t direct anything else for 8 years, and then it was TV.

The real star – as was intended – is Johnson, who successfully transitioned his wrestling persona into a broader appeal. He doesn’t have a great script to work with, but he carries this off for the same reasons he always has: his great physicality, his undeniable, easy charm, and the fact that he is just a good-looking guy and knows what makes him look good. The movie was obviously intended for a broader audience, and is a very PG-13 film of the period, with minimal blood, no nudity, and just not much grit in the proceedings despite all the action. It wallows in cliches like goofy thief sidekicks and adorable kids who have to be rescued, and the villain, Memnon, is a disappointingly bland character, without any real flavor to him.

The real failings of this movie are not in the execution, really, but in the tone and intent. Much like Conan the Destroyer and Kull, the movie is aimed at a wide audience, so all the violence and sex are toned down, and a lot of broad, slapstick humor and modern-sounding dialogue is slapped on it to try and make for a big family blockbuster. What this actually does is make it seem like a big-budget TV movie, and The Scorpion King only barely passes the Xena test – as in, “does this look better than any random episode of Xena?” – mostly by virtue of better lighting and costume design. The bones of a good idea are here, and a more serious approach and a commitment to making it a pulp movie with a lot of blood and carnality might have produced something much more memorable and worth being proud of.